Baby Gus was fed up with everything, so he thought it was about time he took a ride. He jumped on his big wheeler, and wheelied a way. He started down the street without a backwards glance. Headed north-east, but mostly flowing with the wind. He left the ocean, and the beaches, and saw dry desert sands everywhere. It was so dry and hot that the baby almost turned and headed back, but he didn’t. Gus loved riding his wild hog over the Hoover dam. He tossed a cookie over the edge, and watched it slide all the way to the bottom where it exploded in an ant sized cloud of dust.
He headed north and drove through the Badlands and discovered why the badlands were so rotten. He met all sorts of unpleasant characters there. Happy Hooligan and his Gang surrounded him as he was passing Sturgis. They were real tough guys, and they were old too, maybe three or four. Their underoos were black as night. Hardened by hours without parental guidance, they weren’t the sort of fellows a lone baby ought to mess with. They drove a tight circle around him, and guided him slowly to a stop on the side of the road. Happy Hooligan looked anything but, a cruel sneer crept across his fat, dimpled cheeks, and he twirled a green lollipop in his fingers. “What’cha here for BABY? Don’t ya know this is my turf?” he demanded. spitting acid green lollipop juice onto the ground. “I’m just passin’ through,” answered Gus. The gang grinned at him. “I’ll be on my way now, if It’s all the same to you,” said Gus. “It’s not the same to me,” said Happy, “Anyone coming through our territory has to pay a fine. That little trike of yours oughta do nicely, I’d say.” Gus trembled, there were five of them, one of him, there was no way he could beat them in a fight. Gus licked his dry lips, and searched for an escape. There was the “real decoy”, or the “bait and tackle” but those plans were for babies. He needed something better, . . . but what? Then it came to him. The only perfect plan, he was after all a baby. He opened his mouth and let out a long, loud wail. Suddenly a ring of motorcycles surrounded Happy and his gang. They were as huge as a herd of moose. A pair of long leather legs got off her Harley and stood behind Happy, who didn’t look so tough anymore. There was a noticeable wobble in his knees. The womans leather chaps were embroidered with the words, Smily Sally, but she didn’t look like she had ever smiled before. She picked up happy, put him in her sidecar, and rode off with him, completely ignoring the fact that Happy’s own bike was still sitting there. The other mothers followed suit, and soon Gus was alone.
Gus let out a sigh, and realized that his diaper was a little soggier than it had been before. Gus was a little wiser now. He set his trail for the west and cruised into the sunset. Just Gus and his bike.