Cave Baby

The Cohens were a normal family, with normal, healthy, happy children. There were five of them in all, or so everyone thought. They were average and ordinary, and didn’t like things that were different at all. Only they had a secret.  They did, indeed have five children called George, Gilda, Gretta, Gordon, and Greyson. However, there was another that no one knew anything about. Thrilled at learning that she was pregnant with baby number six, Mrs. Cohen took every precaution to eat a healthy diet, and exercise regularly.

While she was pregnant, they bought a dog. The called him Gizmo. Gloria Cohen would pet him every day for hours. She loved that dog. He was a good dog too. Well, when the baby came out, something strange happened. Little Gabrielle Cohen was as hairy as that dog. No one really knows why for sure. Most people probably would blame it on the dog if they knew, but Gloria and Grant Cohen would have none of that. They immediately closed the shutters to their house with the perfect picket fence, and rose bushes, and never let that baby out of it. Ashamed of what the neighbors might say, they went on with daily life, pretending to the rest of the world like their little furry baby, didn’t exist. Greyson looked at his newest baby sister and smirked a little, “She doesn’t look so funny to me.” But no one really listened.

That is not to say that they didn’t love her, they did. They constantly groomed her fur, and set up a little mat next to Gizmo’s on the kitchen floor for her to sleep on. Gizmo and Gabrielle were the best of friends. Little Gabrielle looked almost neolithic. Her fur made her look like a creature who hadn’t reached the peak of evolution yet. At six months, she would “crawl” around on all fours. Her enormous diapered bottom up in the air, and her legs as straight as logs. Crawling around on all fours, she communicated through simple articulation, a series of “ug-ug’s” and “mmmm’s.”  When she would do this her mother would burst into tears and flee the room.

They called her their little cave baby. At this stage she was trouble, pure and simple. She was curious, and inventive. If a mess could be made she would make it. Her mother nearly went mad cleaning little muddy tribal art off of the fridge, and cleaning up piles of sticks, and rocks used as nests. Rudimentary artwork covered the walls. Pencil, paint, or marker, all were acceptable mediums for this creative cave child. The worst habit, however, was her knack for dumping out small objects, just to see how they fell. Blocks were one thing, but couscous was another. It was nearly impossible to dig all the couscous out of the upholstery.

If that just wasn’t enough, Gabrielle had a very natural sense of primitive music. Her favorite instrument? 60 quart cooking pot, and bamboo spoon; the bamboo giving the music a more full-bodied sound. Her favorite composition Head Hunters March in D minor. It sounds like this, “Boom-Boom-Boom BOOM”. Repeated, until someone confiscated her instruments.

One day Gordon noticed that little Gabrielle had less hair on her arms. Her mother objected, that was impossible! Yet, as she looked, it did seem as if what had once been a very thick coat of fur was becoming a little less so. Gabrielle was learning to walk now as well. She would walk with an uncertain step, her solid bottom far behind her, and her hands stretched wide in front to steady her.

A week later Grant thought he could see skin through her hair. “Come here Gloria” he called. “It’s true our baby is normal!” Gloria ran into the room and burst into tears of joy. Greyson looked at his mother and father and said, “See, I TOLD you she was fine,” and this time everyone listened.

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This entry was posted in Amazing Apprentices, 8-10 years, Exhuberant Early Schoolers, 4-7 years and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

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