There are itsy teeny creatures that live inside the toaster. They are called Toastees. I have seen them myself. They are fantastically tiny, and wonderfully warm little creatures. They are lively and quick. They live off of the crumbs that your toast leaves behind. Be careful though they do have a tendency to bite, as anyone who has stuck his finger in a toaster will know. It is impossible to rid your toaster of all Toastees without completely dismantling it. Their eight to fifteen branching arms are spiky and covered with sticky barbs. You can remove the crumb catcher, but that will never catch the colonies collected along the wires, or the sides. They are little black creatures, with ridged scratchy skin. If you didn’t know better you might mistake them for burnt bread crumbs, (and most people don’t know, so they do). These strange little creatures live in the very bottom of your toaster. Where all of the fresh toast crumbs fall. They come out every morning and bask in the warm glow of the “tanning lights”, that’s what gives them their crispy complexion. A soft, supple adult Toastee just isn’t healthy, they much prefer a burnt glow. The life of a Toastee is pretty simple really. Muffiday through Ryeday the Daddies work as hard as they can collecting food for their wives and tender crumbs. Toastee mommies take their little toats to the playground most days, and there they jump and climb warm wires, slide down coil slides, and play see-saw on the bread levers . Everything is pretty much routine.
Chrispifer had lived in Toastishire his entire life, he remembered once when he was a youngster when a cataclysmic cleaning had happened. Almost his entire colony was wiped out. There were only two toastees left, he and his (now) wife Crumbela. They started a family and soon had two or three hundred little crumblies rolling around the town. Yes, they really do have families that large, You know rabbits have lots of babies, and rats have more? Well, toastees put them both to shame. They will have millions of children in the life cycle of a toaster. That is just the way toastees are. Well Chrispifer had one son named Jared, he was a little bit of the black sheep of the family (although the phrase would make no sense at all to the toastees who loved being black as night). The point is though that Jared was a little bit of a sore spot with the family because he didn’t like to tan on the coils with the other Toastees. He didn’t like to slide on the wires, or play on the seesaw. He liked to climb out of the toaster, which was strictly forbidden, and sit on the countertop. On top of that he was not very nice! He would lock, the seesaw, so the toast would burn and the Toastees couldn’t play. He would unplug the toaster so that the toastees couldn’t tan. The worst thing he did though was to push the other toastalescents into puddles. It was very dangerous, they absolutely could not get wet or they would swell, and get bloated, and eventually break into pieces. So they made sure to get out as quickly as possible. As it was, it still took them quit a while to recover. Those unlucky toastees had to sit on the coils twenty-four hours a day until they were fully dried. It was a very long process on the whole. The toastees as a group, being a little rough around the edges, began ignoring Jared
One sad Sourday, when all the other toastalescents were enjoying their weekend, Jared thought to himself, ” I wish I could play with the other kids. Why won’t they play with me? I bet it’s because I’m so soft.” Just then a sugar fairy appeared on his shoulder, “Are you kidding me? You are rotten! If you were nice, people might like you more!” Jared thought about that, he was about to respond when he noticed that his hands were sticky with sugar residue, and the fairy had vanished. Nevertheless, he decided to try something nice. He helped a little toat out of a counter puddle they had fallen in. He had this funny feeling wriggling heat in his stomach, he wasn’t sure what it was. The next day he went on one of the coil slides, but let another toastee go first. He really liked all of these new stomach feelings. So he kept doing nice things. Eventually, he became the biggest and softest toastee there was, inside and out. Although he still secretly indulged a love for countertop basking he was never mean again.