I am a beautician. I attend a very special school. It is called the “Sprout Style School”. A year ago my mother realized I had a gift. I was a hair cutting fool. I had cut my hair four times. I cut the cats hair, and the dogs, and my Barbie’s. I cut my sisters hair, and my best friend Marta’s hair. I was fantastic. Everyone looked so chic. My mother was so thrilled she cried! One day she saw a commercial, this is how it went. . .
Do you have a slicer? A dicer? A hacker? A chopper? If so have we got the school for you. Sprout Style School is a place for your budding beautician to correct that cut. No longer will your child be chop challenged. They will slice and dice the finest styles you have ever seen. Our proven system will teach them how to preen perfectly, flock flawlessly, and style spotlessly. Your coiffure conundrums end at the Sprout Style School. . .
My mother decided that this was the answer to her dilemma. So I was enrolled immediately. Let me tell you, it isn’t easy. We go to school two days a week for THREE WHOLE HOURS! The schedule is highly rigorous. We spend the first fifteen minutes singing a hello song in the greeting circle. Then we have a snack. Next we study the history of hairstylists, reading stories about the greats; Ken Paves, Vital Sasswoon, Fred Rick Fekkeye, Rudolf Valentine, I think he works for cupid and Santa. We do a hair coloring page, this is where we practice with hair color. Blonde, red, black and brunette are just so restrictive; I like to throw a little pink or blue into my models hair. They always look so much better. Next we take a nap. Hair is such a strenuous mental venture. After nap-time we have another snack, and recess. Then we are ready for cutting class. We learn how to style, we practice on Barbie’s. I am pretty much a pro now. I thought about opening my own salon, and skipping the rest of the grades (first through twelfth, are there really twelve years of school? Then there’s college on top of that, sheesh!) I went to town hall to get a business license, while my mother was voting. They said I was too young. Can you imagine! I was FURIOUS! My mother agreed, . . . I think. But then we had a talk about the importance of a, “well-rounded education” whatever that means. I have decided to run a part time beauty shop, out of my room. So, . . . do you know anyone in need of a hair-cut? I’m very good, I assure you.