Today is Easter, the best day of the year. Would you like to know why? Today is the only day when piracy is encouraged. Every year I go on exotic adventures in search of colorful ovule gems, EASTER EGGS! Last year for example we had a neighborhood Easter egg hunt, everyone on the street joined in, it was absolutely epic. Never before had there been such an array of treasures, never before had there been such a vast space to explore. I formed a raiding party, we agreed to divide, and conquer, then share the spoils equally. There were six of us; Tim, Martin, Molly, Janna, her little brother Stephen, and I. My name is Jonas, bu-da da-daa da-dum (I have my own theme song, you should check it out). So as I was saying there were six of us, we split into teams; half of us would go east and half would go west. We would comb every inch of yard as quickly as possible and meet back at our secret spot to divide the loot. The tension of waiting for the “Talley” bureaucrats was almost too much to stand. I am Captain Shorty the adults are the Talley’s. Why did they take so long anyway? We waited at least two hundred years, and finally, when our bodies were tired, and our bones cracking they called us out to the platform and delivered our instructions. No gutting, slicing, marooning, or stealing! Seriously they took all the fun out of piracy. Oh well, it is always best to abide by international laws lest our property be confiscated. They counted down, 3 – 2 – 1, GO!!!! It was like a pin ball machine let twenty balls go at once. The chaos was complete. I was with Tim and Martin; we went east toward the rising sun. We searched high and low; mercilessly grabbing eggs and finding treasure wherever it lay. Not a child or adult stood in our way.
We traveled through the Sahara; the barren sand dunes piled hundreds of feet high were treacherous. Our feet sank with every step. The fierce wind battered our faces, and our camels almost quit the journey altogether. For about a week we were hunkered in our tents against the fierce battering winds unable to search at all.
Next we journeyed through the untamed jungles of the Congo, we sliced at vines, and swatted at huge tsetse flies. We crossed the Congo River, and were almost attacked by a testy hippopotamus. Once across we met a pack of friendly bonobos who guided us to find the most vibrant eggs. We thanked them and continued on our quest.
We crossed the mighty black ocean and found ourselves in the mountainous region of Tibet. The people there had never seen such fierce pirates, they were terrified. We journeyed to the top of the mountains in search of the wise Dalai Lama, to counsel us on our journey. We asked where to find the golden egg. He replied, “The finest treasure comes to the most patient observer.” None of us knew what that meant, but there were eggs all over, so we took those and continued.
Our next destination was across another great black ocean, we found ourselves on Easter Island. This lone island at the edge of the world was barren, devoid of life. We gazed at the statues and wondered what they meant. The stately heads standing in grouped rows throughout the island watched us eerily. They were creepy, even to a seasoned pirate like myself. We all agreed to leave as quickly as possible. We found one egg there; the coveted golden egg of legend. This was the culmination of our efforts, the big cheese, the end all be all of egg discoveries! It was beautiful.
We headed to our secret island to meet the others and share the loot. When we made it the whole crew was celebrating our huge victory. We had millions of eggs! Plastic eggs, real eggs; you name it, we’d found it. We had every color of the rainbow; blue, red, green, orange tie-die, pink sparkled, purple. They were whooping and hollering and were about to pile it in the middle to divvy it out when I spoke up. “You know, I think we would all be better off hiding most of our loot here, and bringing a few eggs in our baskets for show. That way the magistrates don’t get suspicious.” But I spoke too late. I heard a voice out the window, “I know what you’ve done, and it’s time to share,” It was the Talley big-wig; my mom. I don’t know why they were sore; we were the only kids on the block. “I don’t know what you mean,” I said. My ruse didn’t work. “Bring down the eggs,” she said. I looked at my cohorts. We had two choices we could go down nice and easy, or we could fight. I asked myself what a pirate would do and I had my answer. We searched our baskets and pulled out all the real eggs. We took our stations and let loose with our ammo. Showers of rainbow colored ammunition rained on the waiting crowd of Talley’s. They turned tail and fled. VICTORY!
We decided to store our eggs here and return to the cache to take from it piece by piece. Everyone agreed except shrewd minded Molly looked hesitant, “How do we know you won’t double cross us!” she asked. The others started to waiver, “Would I do a thing like that to ye?” I asked. She wasn’t convinced. She shimmied down the rope ladder before I could stop her, taking all her beautiful treasure with her. We watched her, and before she got out the yard they were inspecting her basket. The rest then saw my wisdom and left their treasure in the tree-house chest before heading home.
I knew I would have to hide the booty somewhere where they couldn’t find it, if I wanted it all to myself. I thought about the pretend dog poopie in Martins front yard, but decided the treasure definitely wouldn’t fit there. Then I thought of putting it underneath the bridge in Jannas front yard. However I knew that she at least was sure to spot it there. Mrs. Fresnick’s rosemary bushes? No, too wet. Under Tim’s trampoline? No, too dirty. Then I thought of the perfect place. I would bury it just like a real pirate, in my sandbox. I waited until after bed-time. I headed out to the backyard; flashlight, and shovel in hand and found a spot where to bury it. I left my things there and went to the tree-house to get the chest. It was really heavy. I couldn’t carry it down the ladder, so I slid down the slide and pulled it behind me. I dragged it to the sand box, and started digging a hole, with the flashlight in my mouth. Then I heard an, “ahem,” from the corner. It was my uncle, Blackbeard the pirate; I called him that because he had a big shaggy beard, although it was not really black. “You’re going to need a much bigger hole than that, and what are you going to use for a map?” he asked. A MAP I knew I had forgotten something. He grabbed another shovel, and started digging we had a good sized hole in no time. We buried the treasure and made a map out of a newspaper that had been left in the yard. Then he sent me to bed.
The next day, my friends rushed to the tree-house to find their loot gone, they raged at me, and I told them, “Ye’ll never find it,” They were so angry! So they left, and didn’t play with me for the rest of the day. I played ninja raids, but it just wasn’t as much fun without someone to raid. I played explorers of Panama, but no one came to rescue me from the creeping vines. I played Cowboys and Indians, but without someone to play Custer, it was no fun being an Indian. I looked over the fence; they were all jumping on Tim’s trampoline. I grabbed my map and headed over. “I suppose we could go on a treasure hunt together, Aarrrg, I bet this map leads the way.” I said. They were intrigued. “Just remember pirates, X marks the spot.”
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– Jonas Theme song created by Weezer , “My name is Jonas”